Hey guys! I’m new to WordPress, so to get a feel for the site and how it suits my hobbies of reviewing movies, my first reviews/posts will be ones that I’ve already written. In the spirit of the new year, I will be posting only my “Top 10” and “Bottom 5” movies of 2015 (or at least for the ones I wrote reviews for). Enjoy and let me know what everyone thinks. 🙂
Like most people when this movie was announced, I cocked my eyebrow (no, I’m not referring to the racial changes to Johnny Storm. I never care about that sort of thing). The first pair of movies weren’t great, even considered downright awful. I’m sure the comic fans want a straight and true adaptation, but the average movie-goer just kept shrugging. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I was holding out that it would at least be better than the first two. Well, I got my ticket, and now I’m writing about it.
Reed Richards (Miles Teller) is a genius. Has been since he was a kid when he invented a teleporter. Imperfect, but functional. Years later, with the help of his best friend Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell), Reed enters a science fair and believes he’s perfected his machine. It works, but the judges dismiss it as parlor tricks… except for onlookers Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey) and his daughter Sue (Kate Mara). Seeing the potential in the young man, he brings him on to help with a similar machine that he’s built. With more help from Franklin’s son Johnny (Michael B. Jordan) and the super brilliant but sarcastic Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell), the machine is finished for the government. Unable to resist testing it out themselves, Reed, Johnny, Victor, and Ben all get in the machine and use it. But their arrival in this new dimension is met with problems as a quake claims Doom’s life and and catastrophes mutates their biology, and some of that gets transferred to their world as they’re brought back. Soon, Reed, Ben, Sue, and Johnny discover they have abilities. But with conflicting interests and desperation to make up for past mistakes, the team separates to come to terms with who they have become.
I really wanted to like this movie. I really did. The cast has done phenomenal work before and director Josh Trank previously worked on CHRONICLE, another superhero movie that seemed to be well-praised when it was released. In any case, recent Marvel films have a knack for being at best, great (WINTER SOLDIER, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, DAYS OF FUTURE PAST), and at worse, enjoyable (IRON MAN 2 and 3, ANT-MAN). But this is the first time that a Marvel movie has been truly awful since 2003’s DAREDEVIL and HULK. You know what, I take that back, THIS movie is far worse than all of them. The first two FANTASTIC FOUR movies were, remorsefully, BETTER than this reboot.
Honestly, the only thing I can say about this movie is the same thing I was able to say about the movie SKYLINE (anyone remember that elephant-sized pile of shit?), the special effects were amazing… and that’s it. Yes, The Thing looked fantastic (pun intended, shut it), Earth Zero looked beautiful in a desolate kind of way, but good visuals are easy to come by in this day and age and this movie has NOTHING going for it.
Teller, Mara, Bell, all terrific actors and they give NOTHING to their roles. They are so generic and bland, borderline carbon copies of each other, which which is bizarrely the one thing the first two FANTASTIC 4 movies did right. Everyone had a distinguished personality. I mean, they were cliches up the dick-hole, but at least they were animated… lively. Here… they’re boring, one-track, it’s painful to watch. I’m sitting there, waiting for just one scene where the actors put on their game faces and deliver on something, ANYTHING, that would set itself apart, but it’s just dead in the water all the way through. The only actor that seems to have his own personality is Jordan’s performance, but even THAT is less memorable than Chris Evans. This script was so piss-poor that none of these actors can do anything with it and it’s a crying shame.
And fuck, where do I even begin with the script? Reed’s been working on the same tech, THE EXACT SAME TECH, as Dr. Storm, and you just HAPPENED to find him??? Where did you come from, you creepy old man??? How did you find Reed??? I’m not even kidding, Dr. Storm and Sue literally just pop up out of nowhere, no explanation on where they came from and what they were doing at this science fair. And…SERIOUSLY, THE EXACT SAME TECH???
Dr. Storm even mentions that he’s recruited these young people to help with the teleporter. He puts “all of his faith in them.” Er… why? Are there no middle-aged scientists that can think outside the box as well? Literally, we have early 20’s kids who are practically still in college working on this shit, but NO OTHER adult scientists of note? Hell, Dr. Franklin doesn’t even do anything substantial other than be the black guy in the movie. He has no job that we see him do, other than recruit… you need a Ph.D for that?
Honestly, my brain is hurting and I could go fucking ON about the HORRENDOUSLY bad things they did in this movie.
But I will tackle one more issue. Something behind the scenes. I hear that the director, Trank, was incredibly difficult to work with. He reportedly abused the budget he was given, constantly made rewrites, delayed production a shit-ton, it almost sounds like it’s his fault. But then there’s another thing I heard that he sent a tweet or something saying that awhile ago, he had a better film lined up. So was it Trank’s fault, or the studio executives? Honestly, this movie is probably going to tank and start following the walk of shame right behind the AMAZING SPIDERMAN films: sequels in the works, but failure will prevent those sequels from seeing the light of day.
A truly awful movie and I hope the lead actors do not get back lash for this. They are all fantastic actors and their careers shouldn’t be hurt by this despicable movie.