FIFTY SHADES OF BLACK review

Yup, where there’s a successful movie, a parody film tends to stalk behind it. I can’t imagine a single person who looked at this film and thought it would be funny. Okay, maybe I can because it’s a parody of another bad movie, so maybe it would translate out, but then you see a Wayans name stamped on it and all possible credibility goes out the window. Having been the only new film I hadn’t seen, and refusing to be sober for the occasion, I sat my ass down for this destined-to-be travesty. This is my honest opinion of FIFTY SHADES OF BLACK.

(SUMMARY)

A parody of 2015’s FIFTY SHADES OF GREY and MAGIC MIKE XXL, Hannah (Kali Hawk) gets an opportunity to meet one of the wealthiest men in the world named Christian Black (Marlon Wayans). They quickly strike up an unorthodox relationship filled with BDSM acts that put a strain on their relationship.

(REVIEW)

Wasn’t surprised in the least. Oh yeah, it’s a piece of shit.

You know, it’d be one thing if it was simply unfunny. Jokes that fall flat, guess what, that happens. Some writers just can’t write comedy any more than others can write drama, action, romance, etc. But the fact that this was written in part by Wayans himself, you are in for the only kind of “humor” he knows: crude. As if shouting “bitch” or “nigger” or “mother fucker” in a high-pitched voice with wide eyes immediately makes a laugh out of people.

Half the jokes don’t even feel like they make sense. In GREY, you have Anastasia saying goodbye to Christian Grey and the elevator doors close with a close-up on her face. In this parody, it closes on Hannah’s head. First of all, elevators don’t work like that. If something’s in the way, it automatically keeps open. Second, the writers think this joke is so funny that it has the doors close on her face multiple times. Again, even if elevators worked like that, no regular person would let it happen more than once. Back the fuck up and let the doors shut, you dumb bitch.

I don’t have the patience to mention every bad joke and why they don’t work, it’d be a longer read than Lord of the Rings, but I do want to mention why this movie is a piece of shit: scat humor. Yeah, okay, it’s one joke, but still, who the fuck laughs at that kind of humor besides toddlers? I don’t think even most toddlers would laugh at that. The showing of a clearly fake twenty foot penis knocking into everything, as you can see, it’s unfunny joke after unfunny joke.

Parody has been dead for over decade, and this is beating a dead horse. Wayans, your movies have been irrelevant for about that long as well. Avoid this horse shit at all costs, everyone.

My honest rating: 1/5

Sound off in the comments? Do you agree with my opinion, or did you guys think it was funny? Feel free to express.

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