THE WILD LIFE review

Ugh…. I mean, I doubt it’s NORM OF THE NORTH bad, but… dang, this looks awful. The worst part is that I feel the manipulation like a nail being hammered into my ear. The voice actors for these characters are unknowns, but they’re putting on performances that sound like Jesse Eisenberg or Wanda Sykes. Hell, if you want the red flag of red flags, they don’t tell the audience the voice actors of these characters, they just tell the names of the characters. Wow… even NORM had enough guts to tell everyone that Rob Schneider was in the flick. It would have been better to keep that on the down-low, but what does it say about an animated film to not only completely disregard its talent, but make its talent sound like known actors to fool us? Yeah, this is going to be unpleasant.

Well, if this film doesn’t want to waste time with its own cast, I won’t waste time introing anyone. So without further adieu, this is my honest opinion of THE WILD LIFE.

(SUMMARY)

A family friendly animated spin on the tale of Robinson Crusoe, the story takes place on an isolated island. Mak is a parrot who believes that there is an entire would outside the island, but none of his friends either believe him or care and are perfectly content with their own way of life. But a storm passes through the island, and an amateur sailor named Robinson Crusoe gets washed ashore after his ship was destroyed. He soon comes in contact with Mak and his friends, and what starts off as a hostile or fearful greetings, eventually turns into a group of friends on an adventure of survival.

(REVIEW)

It’s bad, but I don’t think that was a shock. Anyone who’s seen a decent kids movie will be able to smell this stinker a mile away.

Alright, so another big shocker, I’m not overly familiar with the story of Robinson Crusoe. The only reason I am even familiar with the name is because my high school English teacher showed us the Pierce Brosnan film of the same name (thanks Mr. Papotta). It was a decent flick from what I remember, if not… memorably cheesy, but whether or not it was a faithful adaptation to the original novel, I couldn’t say. But I’m going to take a wild guess here and say this story took the original story and cannibalized it and sucked out the marrow like a lollipop.

Every character ranges from boringly cliché to utterly annoying. You have the dreamer longing for new opportunities and discoveries, the purist who’s in love with the way things are, and everyone else is the comic relief that goes along with whoever has the more dramatic speech instead of a real contribution of their own ideas. Hell, I can’t even remember half the names of the cast of characters.

There’s even some messed up stuff in it. The villains of the movie are these two “ratters” (I assume cats that are brought aboard to eat rats that stowaway on the ship) male and female that frequently want to kill Crusoe, but fail at every attempt. They wind up on a small rock island and… *sigh* I’m not kidding here, procreate until they have an army of children that are raised to be killers and carry out their unfinished work to kill Crusoe and his animal buddies. Oh my kingdom for a proper curse word. Do I… do I really need to talk about how screwed up that is, or does it speak volumes in of itself? Yeah, I think I’m good.

Honestly, there isn’t much else to talk about. The jokes fall flat, so it’s not even entertaining, the animation may not be awful (kind of hard to beat NORM), but it’s not worth the time. Maybe your kids will get a laugh out of it, but there’s better kids movies out there, so I don’t recommend it. Yeah, this was a short review, but I seriously have nothing to really say that doesn’t speak for itself.

My honest rating for THE WILD LIFE: 2/5

robinson_crusoe_ver2

And that’s all she wrote this week, kiddies, but the new movie week starts tomorrow night and that means a bunch of new reviews just waiting to be written. Keep an eye out!

Upcoming films

  • SNOWDEN
    • trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlSAiI3xMh4
  • BLAIR WITCH
    • trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=girSv9UH_V8
  • BRIDGET JONES’S BABY
    • trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJsvmscPY9w
  • KICKS
    • trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RowVgL9l5w
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