THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD (quick) review

Deadpool and Nick Fury teamed up while hating each other. Sounds like a fun ride to me. Always down for an action comedy and with these two men at the helm, I can’t think of a more exciting spectacle.

Here’s the cast. Starring, we have Ryan Reynolds (LIFE [2017], DEADPOOL [2016], DICK [1999], and upcoming films DEADPOOL 2 [2018] and X-FORCE, no due date announced) and Samuel L. Jackson (KONG: SKULL ISLAND [2017], THE LEGEND OF TARZAN [2016], GOODFELLAS [1990], and upcoming films INCREDIBLES 2 [2018] and CAPTAIN MARVEL [2019]). In support, we have Gary Oldman (THE SPACE BETWEEN US [2017], CRIMINAL [2016], BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA [1992], and the upcoming DARKEST HOUR [2017]), Salma Hayek (HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER [2017], SAUSAGE PARTY [2016], and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN [1996]), and Elodie Yung (GODS OF EGYPT [2016], G.I. JOE: RETALIATION [2013], TV show DAREDEVIL [2015 – ongoing], and upcoming TV show THE DEFENDERS [2017] and video game CALL OF DUTY: WWII [2017]).

Now for the crew. Directing, we have Patrick Hughes, known for THE EXPENDABLES 3 (2014). Penning the screenplay, we have Tom O’Connor, known for FIRE WITH FIRE (2012). Composing the score, we have Atli Örvarsson, known for THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN (2016), SEASON OF THE WITCH (2011), and VANTAGE POINT (2008). Finally, the cinematographer is Jules O’Loughlin, THE DUEL (2016), KRAMPUS (2015), and WISH YOU WERE HERE (2012).

Overall, yeah, I’m pretty excited for this flick. Maybe it won’t be good, but entertainment seems to be what this movie is going for, not poetry, so what’s wrong with that?

This is my honest opinion of: THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD

(SUMMARY)

Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) was once one of the best bodyguards. But two years ago, a client of his was murdered and now his clients are… less than important. Meanwhile, violent Russian President Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary Oldman) is on trial for his alleged crimes, but his sentence is stalled due to a lack of evidence. Only one man can bring him down: the notorious hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson), who has agreed to a deal that will set his wife Sonia (Salma Hayek) free from incarceration while he testifies against Dukhovich. Unfortunately, interpol has agents working for Dukhovich who try to kill Kincaid. They attack and only Kincaid and Agent Amelia Roussel (Elodie Yung) survive, who happens to be Michael’s former lover, whom he blames for compromising his client two years ago. She calls him to protect Kincaid and bring him to the courthouse, and in exchange, she’ll get Michael better clients.

(QUICK REVIEW)

It’s not bad. It’s neither DEADPOOL or AVENGERS, but it’s a satisfactory action comedy.

The positives. The actors. Holy shit, they make this movie work so well. All of the bantering is where the comedy works the best. Reynolds and Jackson, Reynolds and Yung, Jackson and Hayek, all of their interactions are hilarious and carry this movie so well. Reynolds and Jackson are obviously genius in how much shit they give each other, and it makes for some great comedy.

But never mind the men, their respective ladies are really funny too. Hayek as Sonia, Darius’ wife, is so hilariously brutal. There’s this amazing running gag with her in prison that every time her scene ends, it cuts to her cellmate, whom Sonia has somehow forced into facing the corner like a bad kindergarten student, and has to grant her permission to leave the corner. It’s so delightfully sadistic that I wouldn’t mind a spin-off film of this bitch. And Yung… okay, she’s not given any particularly funny lines, but that’s the script’s fault obviously. But to make up for it, she has some funny reactions. I had no idea the woman had it in her. For someone who plays a ruthless, blood-thirsty assassin in DAREDEVIL, she can get quite the chuckle out of me. Please, Hollywood, put Yung in more comedies! She’s not half bad.

But for all the praise I can throw about how everyone’s chemistry is great, this movie is beyond flawed. When the camera isn’t focusing on Reynolds and Jackson, it’s on Oldman and Joaquim de Almeida as the villains, and because these characters get a healthy amount of screentime, the result is criminally boring. Oldman as a Russian villain, how do you make that boring?! You know how? By making him do nothing. He’s got a great intro with him murdering a man’s wife and kid in front of him, but from that point on, it’s Oldman’s easiest paycheck with him just sitting in a chair and talking in a Russian accent… sometimes. These scenes are so remarkably uninteresting that they might as well just be pointless padding until you the story gets back to Reynolds and Jackson. If the villains were as maniacally enjoyable and shared a similar chemistry with each other, then this movie could have had something to elevate itself, but no. If the movie shows anything other than the bickering of the two leads, then the aforementioned scenes are utterly pointless.

There aren’t many surprises, so the movie rests squarely on whether or not you enjoy the chemistry between Reynolds and Jackson. Since I do, the movie is serviceable. If you’re a fan of the cast, then I recommend it. Just don’t keep your expectations too high or you’ll run the risk of disappointment. If you want to see it in theaters, shoot for a matinee screening.

My honest rating for THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD: a strong 3/5

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Quick Reviews: 3 IDIOTAS / DEAN / THE HERO / BEATRIZ AT DINNER

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3 IDIOTAS

Starring: Martha Higareda (NO MANCHES FRIDA [2016] and STREET KINGS [2008]). In support: Vadhir Derbez (HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER [2017])

Co-writing: Martha Higareda

(SUMMARY)

In the present day, two friends are told by a college rival that he knows where to find a friend of theirs who disappeared under mysterious circumstances. In flashback, we’re shown how these friends met and challenged one another to be inspired to do the things that they want to do, falling in love, and challenging what is perceived to be the conventional.

(REVIEW)

On paper, this doesn’t sound too bad, and can even have a pretty strong message if done right. Sadly, it was not done right. The movie is painfully unfunny, what with its overuse of fart jokes. While some ideas are interesting, the rest of the film barely justifies it. Even the romance between characters Poncho and Mariana feels forced. It somewhat breaks my heart to say this because even though I don’t remember liking NO MANCHES FRIDA all that much, I did really like Higareda. I remember liking her performance, and she’s no worse here. But it’s a chore to sit through this. To my understanding, this movie is a Mexican adaptation of an Indian film similarly called 3 IDIOTS (2009). Whereas IMDb gives this movie 3.9/10 (as of 6/15/2017), IMDb has the Indian original at an 8.4/10 (as of 6/15/2017). Wow. That’s an insane contrast. I’m rather interested in seeing that myself just to see if such a rating is warranted. But alas, this quick review is about this one. It’s not funny, makes zero sense most of the time, and even resorts to a crap load of clichés. I don’t recommend this. Not even as a rental. Check out the Indian original. It’s gotta be better than it’s Mexican remake.

My honest rating for 3 IDIOTAS: 1/5

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DEAN

Starring: Demetri Martin (IN A WORLD… [2013], TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT [2011], and TV show HOUSE OF LIES), Kevin Kline (BEAUTY AND THE BEAST [2017], THE ROAD TO EL DORADO [2000], and WILD WILD WEST [1999]), and Gillian Jacobs (DON’T THINK TWICE, HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 [2015], and TV show COMMUNITY).

Directing and written by: Demetri Martin (Debut. Congrats.) Co-composing the score: Mark Noseworthy (unknown work) and Orr Rebhun (TV shows ENLISTED and THE CRAZY ONES). Cinematography by: Mark Schwartzbard (TV show MASTER OF NONE).

(SUMMARY)

The story follows Dean (Demetri Martin). His mom just passed away and he’s having trouble grieving, unlike his estranged father (Kevin Kline), who just wants to help him. Instead of grieving, Dean takes a vacation to Los Angeles and falls for a young woman named Nicky (Gillian Jacobs).

(REVIEW)

For a respectable list of firsts for Martin, as writer, director, and star, this is an impressive feat. He has a good sense of character writing and relationships, and every one of his actors are believable in their respective roles. Whether it’s because he was genuinely a great director or it was a great collaboration with his actors, it’s hard to say, but it pays off well. It’s got some good comedy and drama. Jacobs steals the show any time she’s on. There’s even a few surprises that I didn’t see coming. Having said all that, the movie is pretty basic in its design. If you read my summary, the movie is about what you’d expect to get. It’s not saying anything particularly profound, or trying anything all that new, and has been done in better movies that came before. Overall, it’s a safe movie, but it’s an impressive movie for someone who’s never written, directed, or starred in a movie before, and throwing a couple of surprises does elevate the movie to above average. If you’re a die-hard Martin fan, I recommend a matinee screening. Otherwise, I recommend it as a solid rental. It’s nothing amazing as a whole, but it’s not too shabby either.

My honest rating for DEAN: a strong 3/5

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THE HERO

Starring: Sam Elliott (ROCK DOG [2017], GHOST RIDER [2007], and TV show THE RANCH) and Laura Prepon (THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN [2016], and TV show ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK and one episode of CASTLE). In support: Krysten Ritter (BIG EYES [2014], TV shows JESSICA JONES and DON’T TRUST THE B— IN APARTMENT 23, and upcoming TV show THE DEFENDERS), Nick Offerman (MY LIFE AS A ZUCCHINI [2017], HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 [2015], and TV show PARKS AND REC), and Katharine Ross (DONNIE DARKO [2001], BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID [1969], and THE GRADUATE [1967]).

Directing and co-writing: Brett Haley (short films). Co-writing: Marc Basch (unknown films). Composer: Keegan DeWitt (MORRIS FROM AMERICA [2016]). Cinematography: Rob Givens (short films)

(SUMMARY)

Lee Hayden (Sam Elliott) is a seventy-one year old struggling actor, seemingly only known for one role for the last forty years, a western called THE HERO, of which he is being offered a lifetime achievement award for the role that made him famous. Despite all this, Lee hasn’t worked that much since, and often finds himself voicing over for commercials. When he’s not doing that, he’s getting high with his friend and drug dealer Jeremy (Nick Offerman) and being reminded that he wasn’t the best father to his thirty year old daughter Lucy (Krysten Ritter). And despite striking up a relationship with a much younger woman named Charlotte (Laura Prepon), as well as finding internet fame for a speech he gave at his award ceremony, he finds himself diagnosed with cancer and finds himself in a situation where he needs to sort his life out.

(REVIEW)

You’d think it’d be incredibly morbid for elderly actors playing roles that tease their deaths, but give credit where credit is due, Elliott owns this movie. You feel every inch of his frustration as a struggling actor and, despite being so popular in one film, hasn’t given him the clout to get better roles. But it is delightfully entertaining to watch him get high off his ass. And usually I get a little queasy watching an old man make out and have sex with a much younger woman, but the characters are written so well that their chemistry does make it very sweet to watch… of course, I have a cousin who might be pretty annoyed with this. Either way, from the small amounts of comedy to the heavy drama, Elliott carries this film flawlessly. And for the life of me, I will never forget, “Lonestar Barbecue Sauce. The perfect partner… for your chicken.” There is sadly some predictability to the film, as in you know how they’ll get resolved and even when. Other scenes drag on much longer than necessary, and one or two questionable character decisions, but overall, this is a good movie. I recommend it and can see this getting Elliott an Oscar nomination next year. It’s not great, but it’s good and worth seeing.

My honest rating for THE HERO: 4/5

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BEATRIZ AT DINNER

Starring: Salma Hayek (HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER [2017], SAUSAGE PARTY [2016], DESPERADO [1995], and the upcoming THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD [2017]) and John Lithgow (MISS SLOANE [2016], INTERSTELLAR [2014], SHREK [2001], and upcoming films DADDY’S HOME 2 [2017] and PITCH PERFECT 3 [2017]). In support: Connie Britton (AMERICAN ULTRA [2015], and TV shows NASHVILLE and AMERICAN HORROR STORY), Chloë Sevigny (THE DINNER [2017], LOVE & FRIENDSHIP [2016], and TV show BLOODLINE), Amy Landecker (DOCTOR STRANGE [2016], DAN IN REAL LIFE [2007], and TV show TRANSPARENT), Jay Duplass (PAPER TOWNS [2015], and TV shows THE MINDY PROJECT and TRANSPARENT), and David Warshofsky (WILSON [2017], NOW YOU SEE ME 2 [2016], and TAKEN [2008]).

Directing: Miguel Arteta (ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY [2014], YOUTH IN REVOLT [2009], and THE GOOD GIRL [2002]). Screenwriter: Mike White (NACHO LIBRE [2006], SCHOOL OF ROCK [2003], THE GOOD GIRL [2002], and the upcoming THE EMOJI MOVIE [2017]). Composer: Mark Mothersbaugh (PEE-WEE’S BIG HOLIDAY [2016], ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP [2015], THE LEGO MOVIE [2014], and upcoming films THE LEGO NINJAGO MOVIE [2017] and THOR: RAGNAROK [2017]). Cinematographer: Wyatt Garfield (short films and unknown movies)

(SUMMARY)

Beatriz (Salma Hayek) is a massage therapist. She’s had a rough week what with her pet goat killed outside her home and the general stresses of her job at the hospital. But one fateful day, going to a rich neighborhood to take care of frequent client Cathy (Connie Britton), her car breaks down as she tries to leave. Being a gracious host, Cathy invites Beatriz to their dinner party that night to celebrate business deal with their equally rich and infamous Doug Strutt (John Lithgow). Soon, heads clash as Beatriz’s naive and pro-life attitude insights arguments with Doug, who is in love with his job and cares little about hurting others’ feelings.

(REVIEW)

Damn. In some ways, it’s a letdown, but in others, it delivers exactly what it promises: a minority arguing with a Donald Trump-like figure. Why is it a letdown? Because many of the arguments in the movie are pretty contrived and predictable. The movie has solid character-setup. We get a great sense of who Beatriz is when she’s introduced. She’s an animal lover and a passionate healer. When we meet Doug, he’s an asshole and a pig because he’s a rich white guy and he’s shameless about it. But as soon as they’re sitting down enjoying the dinner, you know that the arguments are coming. I know, that’s the whole point of the movie, but every fight ends with Beatriz apologizing and promising to keep a cool head, only to go ballistic again. Granted, for different reasons, but you’d think the first blowup would be indication enough of what kind of company she’s a part of and it makes little sense that she’d stick around. Even when she agrees to stay out of the way for the duration of the party, it’s still never enough for her to keep her mouth shut and continue to be a semi-ungracious guest. Don’t get me wrong, Lithgow is a fiendishly charming guy and Hayek probably delivers the best performance she’s had in recent memory. There is a passionate drive behind this movie and you can feel it in the insensitive-in-a-good-way comedy. I think in different character circumstances, this would have been a truly effective film. As is, it’s not bad, but it’s something a disappointment. It’s worth seeing, if only for the performances, but I think each important scene wasn’t transitioned into very well and that’s the supposed to be the whole crux of the film. I recommend it as a rental.

My honest rating for BEATRIZ AT DINNER: 3/5

HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER review

*Groan*

Having only seen one trailer to this movie, I can’t say that I’m excited to see it, but there was a clear mix of moments that made me laugh and moments that made me squirm. Getting bitch-slapped with a tortilla; that was kinda funny. But then turn right around with a cop threatening to beat a guy with a dildo… yup, a lot of this humor isn’t out-of-the-box. But like I said, it’s a mixed bag as of now. I haven’t seen it yet, so I’ll reserve judgment.

Here’s the cast. Starring, we have Eugenio Derbez (MIRACLES FROM HEAVEN [2015], THE BOOK OF LIFE [2014], PLEDGE THIS! [2006], and the upcoming… wait, seriously, SPEEDY GONZALEZ? Really? It’s due out… who knows when) and SALMA HAYEK (SAUSAGE PARTY [2016], GROWN UPS 2 [2013], CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE’S ASSISTANT [2009], and the upcoming THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD [2017]). In support, we have Kristen Bell (CHIPS [2017], BAD MOMS [2016], TV show HOUSE OF LIES, and the upcoming FROZEN 2 [2019]), Rob Lowe (MONSTER TRUCKS [2017], THE INVENTION OF LYING [2009], TV show PARK AND REC, and the upcoming SUPER TROOPERS 2 [2017]), Mckenna Grace (GIFTED [2017], THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE [2016], TV show ONCE UPON A TIME, and the upcoming AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING [2017]), Raquel Welch (LEGALLY BLONDE [2001], BEDAZZLED [1967], and ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. [1966]), and Raphael Alejandro (KINDERGARTEN COP 2 [2016] and TV show ONCE UPON A TIME).

Now for the crew. Directing is Ken Marino, known for CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL, TROPHY WIFE, and BURNING LOVE. Co-writing the script is Chris Spain and Jon Zack. Spain is making his feature-film debut. Congrats, sir. Zack is known for stuff I’ve never heard of. Composing the score is Craig Wedren, known for WANDERLUST (2012), SCHOOL OF ROCK (2003), and TV show DON’T TRUST THE B—- IN APARTMENT 23. Finally, the cinematographer is John Bailey, known for THE WAY WAY BACK (2013), RAMONA AND BEEZUS (2010), and GROUNDHOG DAY (1993).

Overall, I’m pretty hesitant to go in with high expectations… so I’m not, but I’m hoping for enough funny moments to make it okay. I’ll accept “okay.”

This is my honest opinion of: HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER

(SUMMARY)

Maximo (Eugenio Derbez) has spent a couple decades trying to be a gold digger. He’s married to a wealthy older woman, hoping to inherit her fortune. Unfortunately, she has an affair on him and kicks him out of the house. In hopes of getting with another woman of similar wealth, he tries to rekindle his relationship with his sister, Sara (Salma Hayek), and his nephew Hugo (Raphael Alejandro).

(REVIEW)

This may be a slightly difficult to review as I was very drunk throughout most of the movie, but I will do what I can to do what I do. I thought this was the best movie out of the week, but that’s not saying much. It’s still not very good.

Let’s get the positives out of the way. The humor isn’t as immature as it could have been. When you go into this movie, what kind of humor would you expect? Old people who think they’re sexy jokes. While you do get more than a few shots of Derbez in a speedo, I feel like it could have been too easy to make even cruder humor. Granted, it’s PG-13, so the worst of the humor that could have come out of it would have been limited by nature, I still give props for no pride-in-dick-size jokes, or accidental nudity when diving into a pool, all of these are admirably not there. The acting isn’t awful, the physicality and effort to make some of these jokes work is there and there is a likability to the supporting characters.

However, that paragraph is all the good I can say about it.

The main problem with this comedy is that the comedy isn’t very comedic. The trailer showed off the best jokes and I can only laugh at passably humorous jokes so many times. I laughed at Sara smacking Maximo with a tortilla during the trailer. I kinda laughed when Lowe’s character shouted, “I will shoot you in the lorax!” But the rest of the film is pretty dry and tries too hard. There’s a scene where Maximo is trying to seduce Celeste (Raquel Welch) at the same time as Lowe’s character, and they both accidentally rip off her prosthetic arms (this was previously established). But I swear there are scenes there it’s obvious that her arms are flesh and blood. But let’s pretend it’s cleverly hidden, it’s still not surprising that the joke this builds up to is that both arms get ripped off. Some jokes are even confusing. You can find this bit in the trailer. It shows Maximo teaching Hugo how to walk like a sexy man and says, “You want the ladies to think ‘he must be great in bed’.” Then Hugo says, “I’m good in bed!” Maximo looks at him in shock, to which Hugo says, “I don’t wet the bed or anything anymore.” Maximo already said something inappropriate for a child to hear, with confidence no less. So when the kid says something equally inappropriate, albeit a double entendre, why is Maximo surprised by the comment? There’s a potential good joke in there, but it wasn’t executed well.

Even the very story isn’t original. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if every sitcom that has ever existed has dedicated at least one episode on what this movie’s subplots are: a hopeless romantic who thinks they’re one of the greatest lovers tries to teach a kid to be as perfect and suave as them, only to give them horrible advice that backfires and humiliates them. And despite Derbez’s best efforts, Maximo as a whole isn’t the most likable character to grace comedy. He is very apathetic toward Hugo when he meets up with Sara in the beginning, and even forgets his name. Yes, Maximo is a lazy bum who wants the easy and carefree life of a rich person without a care in the world, I get that. But how does that translate to never keeping in touch with family or not taking pride in having a nephew?

And if we’re being completely honest here, I don’t think there was any reason for Kristen Bell to be in this movie. She’s literally just an ice cream employee who eventually takes in Maximo after he gets into a fight with Sara and gets kicked out of her home. It’s a nothing role that I feel like was written in just to make Bell a crazy cat lady. It makes little to no sense to have her talent wasted here. And speaking of wasted talent… how dare this movie underutilize McKenna Grace. That girl is way too charming and talented to be some boy’s romantic interest. I pox on you, creators!

I can’t say this is an insulting movie, and there is a solid attempt to make the bad jokes work, but at the end of the day, the jokes are still bad. Though the crude humor isn’t needlessly over-the-top, it’s still crude and mostly not funny, and this story has been done to death with nothing new or fresh to add. It’ll be quickly forgotten by the masses and fade out into obscurity before we know it. I don’t recommend this in theaters or as a rental. I won’t say to run away from it, but I don’t think it’s worth the money or time.

My honest rating for HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER: a weak 3/5

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SAUSAGE PARTY review

I’m not usually a Seth Rogen fan, but every so often he comes out with a movie that I do legit enjoy, like KNOCKED UP and THIS IS THE END. But those films are far inbetween. I’m not a fan of stoner films, which he’s practically got a monopoly on, so unless he plays a straight character, I didn’t really care for his work. But I can’t deny how creative this movie looked based on its trailer. I mean, I’ve sure never seen a movie like this: food being slaughtered for human consumption. It looked incredibly funny. Maybe the animation itself wasn’t all that impressive, but I wasn’t going in wanting fantastic animation. I just wanted to see where this story was going to go with its own idea and I was super excited.

I think what’s both intriguing and possibly scary is bringing on Greg Tiernan, one of the two directors of the film. I say this because his IMDb page is pretty much nothing but THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE shorts. Can you tell where I feel like that wouldn’t mesh? To make matters even more weird, Conrad Vernon is the second director. Who’s he? He directed MONSTERS VS. ALIENS, MADAGASCAR 3, and SHREK 2. Both directors are known for their family friendly films and yet get brought on to make this raunchy, very adult, animated movie. I still have high expectations, but it’s not unlike seeing Francis Ford Coppola’s name attached to JACK (1996), it just doesn’t look or sound right. But whatever, the real test is how it turns out.

The writers of the film are: Seth Rogen, of course, as well as reuniting Kyle Hunter, Evan Goldberg, and Ariel Shaffir, who all co-wrote THE NIGHT BEFORE (2015). That seemed to be popular enough, but having so many writers on a single project can easily backfire if they’re not all on the same page, especially in a comedy as so many people have different tastes. If they don’t mesh well, it can get incredibly choppy. But I’m open to being wrong.

It’s pretty obvious that I went into this movie expecting something pretty fantastic. I mean, look at it. How has an idea like this not been done? Well, lets see how it holds up. This is my honest opinion of SAUSAGE PARTY.

(SUMMARY)

The story follows Frank (voiced by Seth Rogen), a hot dog who has a relationship with a hot dog bun named Brenda (voiced by Kristen Wiig). Their world is this grocery store and every item is eager for humans, or to them, “Gods,” to take them home to be cared for and loved in “the Great Beyond.” But it isn’t long before their reality comes into question. A far of honey mustard (voiced by Danny McBride) was chosen, only to be returned to the store in a state of horror and disbelief, calling everyone in the store doomed. But that doesn’t stop celebration when Frank’s package is chosen, as well as a package of buns with Brenda inside. Of course, everything goes wrong when the honey mustard refuses to go home with the God and tries to commit suicide. Frank tries to save him by getting out of his own package, but he and Brenda fall out of the shopping cart and get separated from the God and the rest of their brethren. As they search for a way back to their aisle in the store, Frank comes in contact with some non-perishables that reveal the horrendous fate that awaits all products in the store when they go home with the Gods. Frank, having a crisis in reality, is compelled to uncover the disturbing truth.

(REVIEW)

Tragically, this might be a short-ass review.

While not necessarily a disappointment, this movie does suffer from a few missteps. Okay, honestly, just one, but for some reason it’s a big flaw.

Get this… it suffers from too much story. Yeah, you’re not reading that wrong. That hilariously “violent” and brutal trailer about how food gets murdered… has too much story. Here’s what I mean. I won’t pretend to be Rogen’s biggest fan. I’m not. But a lot of his movie depict exactly what you’re expecting to get. In NEIGHBORS, do you want to see a married couple try and have some peace and quiet with their daughter by battle a younger generation for dominance? You’ll get exactly that. You wanna see a loser stoner with a foul mouth have to cope with the notion that he’s going to be a father? You’ll get that too. Do you want to see an animated movie about food getting horribly slaughtered by humans? You get that… in the trailers. Yeah, pretty much all the most noteworthy food genocide is in the trailers. I don’t want it to sound like there wasn’t a little bit more. After all, there is a douche (voiced by Nick Kroll) that makes time to kill plenty of other characters, but these scenes are far and apart and aren’t always dragged out for maximum comedy.

There are definitely a lot of sex puns, but again, for as many of them there are, there’s almost an equal amount of attempts at character and story development. First of all, since when was a Rogen picture worried about good story and good characters? Second, even that isn’t done very well.

***SPOILERS***

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When Frank meets the non-perishables, it’s revealed that once upon a time, the food in the market knew exactly what would happen to them. But for… whatever reason, Firewater (voiced by Bill Hader) created a mass lie that convinced everyone that the Gods were taking them to “the Great Beyond” to be cared for and loved because… insert bullshit reason here. If I had been writing this story, the food would already believe this stuff naturally. The Great Beyond is bright, regal-looking, but any returned products that try to convince everyone otherwise are shunned and ignored. Then kick off the story of Frank trying to warn everyone. This lie that was created seemed like a pointless and unnecessary addition. They don’t seem to profit from the lie in any way, and they even help Frank by pointing him in the direction to find proof that the Great Beyond is a lie. See the problem?

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***END SPOILERS***

I’m just waiting for someone to attempt to force-feed me my own words by telling me, “Daniel! You’re actually analyzing the story?! Did you even see the trailer?!” To which I would say, yeah, I’m analyzing the story because the movie presented me a story to analyze. It’s a lame story, but because this movie really wasn’t just a straight forward survival-horror dark comedy about food trying to survive human cravings, and does try and make me care about whether or not Frank and Brenda will get together in the end, it’s unfortunately distracting. Like I said, when the sex puns are in full swing, and when the food is getting murdered, it’s hilarious and does hold the film together. I can’t exactly say that I enjoyed this movie all the way through, I also can’t hate it either. It’s a stupid little movie that is enjoyable when it’s doing what it does best. I’ll probably be in the minority amidst the sea of viewers who were able to look past the “story” and enjoy it for what they were getting, so… yeah, fuck me, right?

My honest review of SAUSAGE PARTY: 3/5

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Upcoming review:

  • FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS
    • trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HszfdNS0JSc

Upcoming hopeful review:

  • HELL OR HIGH WATER
    • trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQoqsKoJVDw